He made me feel like fall in love
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: an jin@jay chow
Seem this semester will be a bit hard for me as I got not a good group assignment. I known that I didn't really contribute to the assignment but at least I always tried to give my best. I was up set yesterday night when I saw Tcacey gave us 2/5 for the peer evaluation. She just try to blame us for done nothing, but she has to think that she was the one who suggested to do it alone. I don't like this kind of person. She/he acts nice in front of you and pretend that she does not mind but deep inside she/he doesn't like you...

Hmm..yesterday I talked with someone..Somehow, he can make me smile and feel so comfortable whenever I talk with him. But somehow, I am so afraid to close and open up my self to him. He seems so mature but my self told me to be carefull. Some part of my self try to reject him, but a part of it told me to stay tune on the line.

Somehow, I feel love to talk with him. But, I talked again with my self.."Does it too fast?" I try not to interesting in him. For so many reasons. Conversely, a part of my self want to get close and knowing him. Again, I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to play in having relationship. It's just not me!!!

And somehow, I feel like want to talk again with him...like to talk with him.

I slept early yesterday night. I planned to wake up early but I overslept, and now I have to catch up all the chapters for the final exams. So many thing I have to catch up -_______-

Am I so crazy?? I always eat baked potatoes these days. I afraid I will look like potato oneday. Well, I have to go to gym tonight. I have to lose some of my weight...heuhuee..coz my stomach look so bloated.

*study for exam

Hm....
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: te amo@f4
What is a matter of working in the saturday night? Do people only going out at saturday night? Some of people in this building always feel so pity on me. Just because I always sit there and watch people going in and out together with their bf/gf. I do not mind to work at saturday night...compare to doing nothing at all..heheuhe..This is better rite?

Some of them can guess my status but I really don't care with this status now. I am what I am. Well, some of them will joke with me, and some of them will ask me to go out. Just like what Marcello did. He asked to go out for dinner in the restaurant. I really can't make it because I can't go out at night. I don't like somehow. And I also afraid to go out with him. He always tell me that he embarrased if he meet me like the first time. I just don't understand this. Do all italian like him? I really don't like the way he smile =.='

Someone called me this afternoon. A bit surprised actually. I didn't expect him to call me..ehuhue.. but he did. Hm..he is a friendly person and has a nice voice..Err...I don't want to comment a lot on him because I just knew him.

Huh! I have to study. Final exam is coming next week. Cia yo gurL!

*listen to radio

Regret???
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: shadow@ashlee simpson
Everytime I calm down and settle down my self..my feeling, he always send me a short message. Eventhough I told him for many times, still he send me that short message. What should I do? Do I have to change my mobile number?

I do not mind if he send me any short message but I mind with the content. It is useless if he want to tell me his regret. Which regret he means to? I don't understand this guy. He is my first boyfriend but I never understand his act. I gave up with all my trust and feeling with him after 4.5 years relationship. If I am going back with him this time, it just because I'm pity on his sadness, not because I love him. Anyway, I never think of this...I won't back with him.

I've been tried so many times to make that relation work out but he never realised it. He just so busy with his life. Most of the time. I was being someone else, not my self.

For the God sakeness...For my family, friends, and my self...For my happyness...I really sorry that I can't back with you. We are not mean to each other.

I am....
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: everytime# britneyspears
Life won't be so easy. Therefore, dreams are coming to everyone's mind. It doesn't need a thousand reasons. It is a life's ambission. To be there in the place you love to. To be with the one you love to. To be there, like who you are. I am not shy to tell everyone that I am a workaholic. That's why I don't have so much time to hang around with my friends, chat on the net, or even talk on the phone. This is my life at this time. I know the consideration. I just want to sacrifice some of my time at this time, to reach my dream, and to achieve my ambission. It won't that easy. That's why I am working so hard right now. I love my friends but I really can't make itu through now if I still hanging around with them. There will be no such time to have soma rest if I can't arrange my time. I really hope that they can understand it.

Friends are everything to me..It does not need so many reasons to explain why. I just can't live alone in this earth..Friends are always there to be my shoulder to cry. They are always there. I really thanks...

I never thought that someone will try to get close with you because they have a purpose to. I always think that they are making friends. Because there are some types of people who like to have friends. Just like Marcello. He knows everyone in this building, woman and man, old or young, nice or ugly, etc. So, even he told me that he likes me, I won't believe it. I am not gonna that easy to trust someone else again. Every man that try to get close, I assume that he just try to make friend, not more than that. Because some types of them are clever in playing with words. Hahahaha...some of them.

I do not know who I am now...The only thing I know is I really love my family and friends..I'm doing all this work just for them...To make them proud of me..To make them happy

Love me if you dare
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: we could be in love@lea salonga
I keep thinking about how if someone that you really love leave you forever. It must be very hard, more than when we broken heart or broke up. It is nothing compare to.

I am fine now. Broke up with Jendy made me sad, but one thing that made me down was I can't accept if he no more love me. I realised at the first place that I didn't really have that feeling with him but somehow I really can't accept that he's the one who offered me to break/pending. That's the point which made me sad..I think so...I'm not sure...

He was good to me but after all we never contact each other again..for no reason..altough he want to make a friend but he does not show any good will in his act.
Donny? I have no more feeling to him, and i have my own reason for not getting back with him. Futhermore, I will not have a relationship with someone that I don't have a feeling with. He made me feel like a rubbish and had no boyfriend at all. I did understood his difficulties but I doesn't mean he can do whatever he want to...I am fade up..and it is over..Luckyly...

Fail in relationship for twice made me down. I am not a girl with a beautiful face and a JLo body. But I still have a dream to be with a man who cherish me for the way I am. I know who I am, and I know how ugly am I. No need to be questioned, everybody know it.

I do not know how am I gonna be in the future but I want to be better. I will do whatever I want to and I will always be me, as my self. This is me. I am not gonna be change just because the man who want be with me. No way!!

The reality won't always like what we want to. It keep changing everytime. But one thing for sure, love can save you and it also can break you...

*try to have a rest

feeLinG lost...
Mood:  down
Now Playing: the day you went away@m2m
I just got an sms from Deline..She said Garve has rest in peace now..I do not know whether that's a good solver or not. He was suffer. Can't eat anything and lost a lot of his weight. I haven't visit him yet when he was in the hospital. He is a good man, friendly to everyone, funny, and always smile. May be it is good for him...God have arrange the best way for everyone of us. So, just give it a try to everything until that time come to take us away from this world..I do not know what to say but I was so surprised to read that sms. >.<

Hmm..Life so precious if we really cherish it..Life is so short if we never love it..

I ate a lot today. I am so full but my mouth won't stop. Always think to eat. I think I am a bit stress since broke up with Jendy. May be..but it can also because my period. I really think that I am so fat now, my stomach is really big >.< WeLL, have to diet may be.

What should I do if I meet him in Jkt? Talk with him or not even see him at all? Deep inside my heart, it asked me not to see him and not to call him at all except he try to call me first. He never call or send any sms to me since the day we broke up. I am disappointed with him. It is not like what he said. Lier....

I promise to my self that I will be very careful next time if someone try to get closer with me. I won't do something like what I've done with Jendy. It was too fast and end up in this situation. Anyway, I won't down, I will find my love oneday...that day will come...I believe it...yes I am


I Will Love Again

(Written by Paul Barry and Mark Taylor)

Did I ever tell you, how you live in me
Every waking moment, even in my dreams
And if all this talk is crazy
And you don't know what I mean
Does it really matter
Just as long as I believe

I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
Heaven only knows, I will love again

People never tell you
The way they truly feel
I would die for you gladly
If I knew it was for real
So if all this talk sounds crazy
And the words don't come out right
Does it really matter
If it gets me through this night

Chorus

If I'm true to myself, nobody else

Can take the place of you

But I've got to move on

Tell me what else can I do

Chorus

I will love again
One day I know, I will love again
You can't stop me from loving again
Breathing again
Feeling again
I know one day, I'll love again

*want to go bed soon

I'm GettinG better
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: walk me home@mandy moore
I woke up with empty feeling this morning. Not really empty, but I'm quite happy because I..err...my self seems can accept what happened to me. It is already one week since that stupid thing. I always think that I can get through this..eventually, I will forget him by that time. This is because, I always find a new prove that shows his mistakes...One for everyday. I know it doesn't mean he is the one who made mistake, but who knows because I don't think he was honest with me that time. But I can accept one thing..everyone can make a mistake...

Laura, Sylvia, and me were waiting for the agent to came to inspect our unit...huahauha...the funniest thing is she in on day off..for what did she tell us to do inspection then?? Made all of us busy because this unit really untidy..we've been clean up everything..and suddendly she did not come and even did not call us about it...weQ...waiting for nothing..

After having a shower, I went to uni to order my transcript and wanted to meet vivi. It is not hot today but I can say it was a bit hot. I went to paddys before went back home. I bought a bucket of roses..Just to make my self happy...That's the way I did to cheer up my self.

Actually today was not really busy in the reception but some how I feel so tired, may be because my period. Overall, It was okie...
Garve is not getting better, that was what Adeline told me last night. They already prepare for the funeral >.< Vita told me that he can't eat anything now..he's getting weak and weaker each day..He is a good man and why he should get cancer...He should enjoy his old age with his family...Sometimes, I think it is not fair..But this is life..We have to cherish everything that we have before it gone...

That's life, you can only realise the important part of a person in your life when he/she went away....

I've learned about this..and I saw some of them..I was thinking who's my soulmate and when can i meet him..Coz life won't be that long rite?..

*repaire compie..so slow -.-'

Stay awake....
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Janji di atas sangkar@audy
I dunno know about today but what I can feel is I am quite happy today. I woke up this morning and think nothing else except try to get my dicsman and listen to that song again...Dunno why, I like that song so much...but then I still can't memorize the lyric.

Now, as usually...I try to do something then I won't remember him at all. Try to make something nicer. Try to create website and try to start doing assignment..huahua...I have no idea about the assignment, but I have to study today. ;p

Hanging out together with Yuli, Henny, Ing, and Wija yesterday night. We were having a good time in the karaoke. But actually, I did not really enjoy it. Because I was not in the mood to sing.

Couldn't find the lyric on the net but I like this lyric..Well, I can be romantic sometimes...hauhuaha...Like now ^o^

Aku & Bintang

Lihat ke langit luas
Dan semua musim terus berganti
Tetap bermain awan
Merangkai mimpi dengan khayalku
Selalu bermimpi dengan hariku

Pernah kau lihat bintang
Bersinar putih penuh harapan
Tangan halusnya terbuka
Coba temani, dekati aku
Selalu terangi gelap malamku

Dan rasakan semua bintang
Memanggil tawamu terbang ke atas
Tinggalkan semua, hanya kita dan bintang
Yang terindah meski terlupakan
Dan selalu terangi dunia
Mereka-reka, hanya aku dan bintang

hauhauha...finally find a new lab!!!...the lecturer asked all the users in the lab to go because they are gonna having a class right now. Luckyly, I find one ;p

anyway, I have to finish my schedulu today. I have to go to post office. Gonna send letter to High Commission..but it is very hot outside...huahuahua...
But everything must based on schedulu now ^^

I wanna buy a garfield doLL that I saw last week, but they said it is expensive >.< Have to find something to add my collection ;p

*wanna do all schedule

Cried by my self
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: *angan@envie
Just like the other days, I was crying by my self. But I cried inside my heart. I feel so sad. Why this thing happened to me? Why should me? Why he didn't choose others girl?

I cried on the way home after class. Now, I really upset with him..He just made me down..

This heart..feels so hurt. I can't describe it how. Everyday I try so many ways just to forget him. Sometimes it works, but most of the time..It doesn't.
He did stole my heart. Eventually, he succeed. Then he left me...What a stupid story!!!!!

Am I soo unworthed? After stole my heart and then he run away. Told a thousand loves only for a fool game. All were lies. I hate this man!!!

I sad because of everyone who hurt me badly. Why should me? After I gave my heart away...

*try to sleep

Don't know what to do
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: ~tak berakhir@audy
WeLL..today seems like yesterday but one thing for sure, I'm happy than the day before. May be because I got good mark in that assignment. The one that I did in a very last minutes. I was so excited with my new relationship that time, and forgot all the things around me. Of course, that was not good. Because it's over now. It just last for one month.

I always try to confice my self that he is running from his mistake, that's why he asked to break..But I am so lucky...huahauhaua...Because I'm the one who asked for broke up...At least, Im the one who left him..not him...It is so egoism but I don't want like rubbish...Coz, there are some types of men like that..

I regret to be with him...
I keep thinking about him...
About how he made me fly with his words...
And about how he made me down with his acts...

~try to forget aLL these memories